Sunday, May 04, 2008

My Life, In Other People's Back Pockets

The avid Girl reader will recall a post last month in which I compared the life I always assumed I would have to the one I'm living now. After receiving some offline comments about it, I have some new thoughts:

First, being the editor of a magazine in New York and driving a '67 convertible Mustang can easily be translated to being an editor at a newspaper in San Francisco and driving a 2000 convertible BMW.

Secondly, after touching base with friends from high school and college who have gone on to get married and have families, I realize that my life is the persona that lives in their back pocket, of the road they could have taken. Which is kind of cool when you think about it.

Lastly, last weekend I got to actually visit the life I could have had.

My old boyfriend E. and I went out for one last breakfast in Noe Valley before he moves to Mountain View with his wife and 10-month-old son. E. and I have been friends and/or romantically involved off and on for the past eight years, until he met his wonderful wife. But there was a time when he and I were considering whether we should get married and have children.

So there we were, pushing a baby stroller together. When we walked into the restaurant, the hostess asked me if we would need a high chair. "Not the mom, know nothing about babies, just cats -- and they would need a high chair, but not today," I said.

E.'s son is adorable and pleasant and smart and is going to get to laugh a lot in his life, as E. is the hands-down freaking funniest person I know.

Looking at Jacob, I saw a facsimile of what I could have had with E. And while it felt really good to hold him and play with him, at the end of the afternoon I was more than ready to hop into my BMW, roll down the top and drive home to have a glass of wine with my cats.


lutzander said...

Hey Stella - I'm glad you're blogging on this one.

Yesterday I wrote an email to an ex-boyfriend from college. He'd recently found me thru LinkedIn, told me all about his life these days, and wanted me to catch him up, too. So I created one of those Reader's Digest things you do for people you haven't talked to in 20 years.

Reading it back when I finished - the three kids, the divorce, the path from at-home mom to grocery store clerk to the stint at the airport and now the dream job (that I still cannot believe I'm getting paid to do) - I was happy reading what I had to report.

Tho I do think I'd planned to have the adjective "Pulitzer Prize-winning" before my name by now. Alas.

And hey - I know those two gentlemen in your photo. I'm bummed they're moving out of the city.

Shaken Mama said...

Yeah, remember that, unlike cats, kids almost never want to nap when you do. And also as I write this, I'm pumping milk out of my boobs. With a machine.