Friday, September 15, 2006

'The Things You See When You Don't Have Your Gun'

I stole that quote from my brother, the one who recently dug up his dead dogs. Just FYI. He has nothing to do with this post.

I am so PMS today, and I am sorry to share that with you if you are the kind of person who gets all squeamish about women's issues. Deal. (Please.)

I am usually a pretty unflappable person. But for some reason, some things are really getting under my skin today. Namely:

1) The Gap's whoring of Audrey Hepburn to pimp their new (old) Skinny Black Pant in their commercials, and their advertisements of this fashion renaissance on the sides of Muni buses, the glimpses of which continue to remind me that while about four years ago, I was a perfect candidate for the Skinny Black Pant, I currently decidedly am not. I'm 39 for cripe's sake.

2) That the city of San Francisco has purchased new sidewalk-cleaning vehicles equipped with a feature that drives some of us at Fifth & Mission absolutely batty as it careens down the street with an incessant beep and recorded message reminding all the homeless people to get out of the way as it scrubs away the detritus of the city.

3) That my house happens to be THE spot at which the GPS system in the city's touristy GoCars announces, "At the stop sign, go straight, on Seal Rock Road" in five languages. OK, it's only one at a time but it is annoying as shit when you're trying to sleep on a Saturday morning. (I actually called them today, being in "rare form," and voiced my complaint. They told me to call on Monday when the illustrious inventor of the devil spawn cars returns. Oh, I will.)

4) My cat Stosh has taken to humping the purple couch pillow. Yes, even though he's neutered. I'll be trying to watch a show and he'll jump up, mount the pillow and go to town. Speaking of animal sex, you must check out the picture on Naynay's blog of exhibitionist squirrels. Truly disturbing.

As Joss Whedon used to end the Buffy the Vampire shows ... Grr! Arg!

P.S. As an aside, the Blogger spellchecker does not recognize the word "blog." Isn't that a hoot? It wants to change it to "bloc." Clearly, it's recovering from the Cold War neuroses of my own childhood.

3 comments:

Naynayfazz said...

"Speaking of animal sex" is a sentence that I have heard way too much this week. Lisa (Ms. Armsweat) and I have been joking about this. Normally it would be creepy to say that sentence. We have found a way to make it funny. Thanks for adding a link to the humping squirrels, by the way.

You should try to get a shot of Stosh humping the pillows. That would be a classic blog picture.

edee said...

so the sidewalk sweeper gets rid of garbage and the homeless at the same time?

Beebers said...

i hate the audrey pant. i hate all skinny pants.

and i work at the gap. how horrible is that?